Everything that is worth doing is worth doing well, or so my dear mother always said. Whether it is a holiday celebration, a dinner for 2 or 6, a trip to the Bahamas or the preparing of a perfect soufflé, each endeavor demands forethought, planning and the execution of those plans to ensure success. Although some of us seem to do this naturally and effortlessly, closer inspection would probably reveal the secret to success: hard work and prior planning. When I was a young and naïve newlywed anticipating our first family holiday celebration, I fully expected the entire event to arrive, fully developed on the proverbial silver tray. Had it not always just appeared when I was growing up? Little did I realize at the time that many, many preparations had been done “behind the scenes” to make the event seem so effortless. While perhaps not on such a grand scale as a holiday celebration or a fine meal, your child’s successful arrival for school rates right up there with “you get what you plan for.” And it is definitely worth doing well because the child’s arrival defines the child’s day. Here are the ingredients for a successful arrival:
© MariaMontessori.com
The Perfect Arrival
The night before:
- provide a nutritious evening meal free of harmful additives (videos, television, cell phones, computers …) accompanied by interested and interesting family members
- arrange the selection of next day’s clothing for easy access
- gather and place all necessary items the child will need for school in one prepared place that is used consistently (tote bag, lunch box, jacket, any notes or correspondence, a book to read while waiting in arrival line …)
- provide a soothing, unhurried bedtime preparation (bath, story-time, lights out …)
- ensure ample, undisturbed sleep for child and self
The next day:
- arise early enough to greet your child with genuine warmth
- assist only as needed as child dresses for school (no switching outfits, stick to the plan!)
- provide ample time for routine chores (making bed, grooming, assembling lunch …)
- provide a nutritious breakfast free of harmful additives (video, television, cell phone, computers, newspapers, magazines …) yet injected with authentic camaraderie (no eating in the car en route)
- provide ample time for your child to collect items from the pre-arranged storage space, all assembled neatly in appropriate containers (totes, lunchboxes …)
- provide ample time for child to put on outer wraps, outdoor shoes, and assist only as needed – the key is AMPLE TIME
- have a signal for load up time that is consistent and stick to it (“Wagons ho!” “Get ‘em up! Move ‘em out!”) Be sure your child knows that he is expected to be ready. We accept children in pajamas!
- have everyone assemble at a pre-designated place, make a quick survey to note that all is in readiness, lock up and load up
- A VERY IMPORTANT STEP: provide plenty of travel time for unhurried, unharrassed, safe travel
- arrive on time! You are not only getting to school on time (8:15 – 8:30 a.m.), you are building an awareness in your child of responsibility, reliability and respect for her school community and its expectations. You are also providing the tone for the child’s entire school day.
- pull into the appropriate line of cars, settle back, and wait patiently. Perhaps read quietly from the book you so wisely planned for the night before, or have quiet conversation about what you see about you.
- keep your child seated and belted in until assisted to leave the car
- say your brief goodbye to your child before the assistant opens the car door. Make it upbeat and cheerful – and very brief. Prolonged goodbyes and hand- holding serve to increase the child’s anxiety about separating from you. A brief, uplifting goodbye says, “I have every confidence in you and your school. You will have a fine day!” Children are amazingly intuitive about our true feelings.
- recognize that, if you have done all of the afore-mentioned items, the remainder of arrival is the work of the assistant and the child
- allow the assistant to accept your child, to include assisting her from her seat as necessary
- as soon as the assistant and child are safely clear of the car, drive away with complete confidence that you have worked hard to create an arrival that will start your child’s day off beautifully
- repeat daily because, as every Montessorian knows (parent as well as guide), repetition breeds perfection
Charlotte Kroger is the Consultant/Mentor for Children’s House Level atAustin Montessori School, Austin, Texas. Following her 14 years of leading Children’s House communities in both Oregon and Texas, she retired, only to return shortly after to her current role.
Thanks for sharing these helpful tips!
I’m so happy to read it, too, because we follow these guides in our home as our boys get ready to begin their Montessori adventure each day. You’re absolutely correct in saying “ample time” is key. From experience, the first couple of days will take some tweaking and some setting of expectations. Once everyone realizes the expectations (and their ability do be more independent!) it’s a smooth morning from there on! A well-written article that has alot of truth! Thank you for this ~ it’s nice to know we are on track!
I’m a teacher in Holland at a Montessori school. I was a bit surprised by reading about an assistant and the parent not getting out of the car? Is it common in America? Does it mean the parents don’t see the teacher?
At our school (and the most Montessori schools I know in Holland) the parent brings their child to the school- or classdoor and there the teacher welcomes them and give them a hand. At the end of the day, the parents are welcome to come in with their child to see what’s been done that day.
I’m really curious at the differences between our countries!
Suzanne, at my school (in the US) the parents say goodbye at the classroom door. If anything unusual happens during the day the teacher will contact the parents, and if the parents have questions or would like to speak to the teacher they set up an appointment or write an e-mail. Lesson plans, etc., go home via e-mail or a folder outside the classroom which the parents can check after dropping off or before picking up their child. But I do know of other schools which have a U-shaped driveway for the kind of drop off that is described above, and it seems to work well for them. They have the same kind of system for the parents and teachers to communicate.
Suzanne, I hear that you recognize the importance of connection and communication between the guide (Montessori teacher) and the parent and care that they are duly considered. Many others will care about this conversation as well. In designing arrivals, schools take many points into consideration:
Many schools find that the arrival is not the best time for connection and communication between parent and guide. The guide has just completed her exercise, as instructed by Montessori, in clearing her mind, heart and spirit for receiving each child with freshness, intention and mindfulness. Schools do all they can to ensure that nothing distracts her or turns her attention in another direction so that she can be wholly with the children.
While children are present, the guide gives herself completely to observing and responding to them in the moment. Her aim is to see them, really see them, as they are in the present. As they enter the room, she is fully there for them. They enter into the ambiance she has created within herself and out in the environment. She and the assistant have not only prepared the environment exquisitely at the beginning of the year, but they have prepared it just as meticulously at the end of the previous day and earlier that morning. She has prepared herself and now she receives the children.
We all agree that the utmost care must be taken that no child overhear adults speaking of them. We know the children need to develop themselves spontaneously, free from the influence of adults communication about them.
The relationship between the guide and the parents is just as important and schools give significant thought and planning into its provision. Schools can offer many varieties of expanded opportunities can be designed for parents; four information evenings of two hours each before the family is enrolled, parent conferences, fourteen parent offerings a year, two or more conferences as needed; notes, emails, phone calls; but these are all done without the children present. Just as the guide (Montessori teacher) gives fullest attention to her time with the children, so does she with the parents. I know. I was a guide for decades.
Schools take great care to design arrival, first and foremost, with the above described philosophical and psychological points in mind along with the practical realities of the physical plant and the length of its driveways and streets, the number of classrooms, the ages of the children in the specific classroom community, the number of children in each community, the neighborhood and its traffic, the parking spaces available, etc. .
Please feel free to ask further questions so that we can keep this conversation going. Others will surely join in!
Hello,
Thank you for the great tips! It is a treasure for the parents and for us all!
I am the director of Montessori School of Bucharest in Romania. Since this article is so clear and so convincing, it would be very helpful for our Romanian Montessori community to have it translated into Romanian and posted on our website (www.montessoribucuresti.ro) with a link back to this website. Would you agree with it?
Thank you very much!
Thank you for the explanation!
Our vision is clearly the same. Parents do not come in our classrooms in the morning, so that’s the same. I just wasn’t familiar with a drop off system. Never seen that in Holland! Maybe because a big part of our families come by bike..
Parents are at our school welcome to walk in every day after school. We stimulate the children to talk to their parents about their work. because of that we know the parents very well in an informal way. For problems and updates we plan parent-teacher- nights, without the kids.
In your stories it sounds you are really dedicated to your vision, wow! In Holland we try our best, but it is sometimes hard. The educational law draws us into directions we do not really want. (Methods which need more lessons for the whole group for example) So it’s a constant battle to have a good balance between our real vision and the practical side of working in a country with very strict rules around education. Do you have that kind of boundries or do you really feel able to work as you feel you should?
(sorry if not all my sentences are perfect,
)
I love that the parents bring their children by bicycle! Your sentences are lovely. And, yes, it is always a challenge to follow Montessori’s vision. More later. D
It all sounds very nice and dandy, BUT… I don’t know for what type of world you think you are preparing these children but it definitely isn’t the one we live in. And don’t tell me it’s going to be substantially different 20 years from now, because it is not. Let’s take into consideration the following facts: most of the people we run across every day are workers. People who are required to DO. From factory workers that have to operate machinery to shop assistants who are required to sell merchandise to the customers. Unfortunately, our society, now and in the foreseeable future will require more people who DO then people who think. You don’t have to have a vivid imagination or an IQ beyond 100 to operate a bottling line at a soda plant. Nor are you required a Ph.D. to run a forklift or a cargo truck. This is what most of these children will do. Most of the DO jobs require a limited number of skills: discipline, patience, medium to good manual abilities, good hand-leg-brain coordination, the capacity to do repetitive work, etc. Also, unfortunately, what we learn as teenagers and young adults, generally, is the hard fact that not all is possible and most important, not everything is allowed. Very little is instilled into us as children concerning these actual, hard, limitations of life itself. The “you can become anything you want” looks good on paper but it’s actually completely disconnected from social life itself. Furthermore, what I actually found out in a life of DOING is that most people are not psychologically prepared for the hard work, for the strenuous work it takes to accomplish anything worth while. In my opinion, this type of “free” education will do nothing other than prepare the children for a world that exists only in the educator’s imagination. It just simply isn’t out there. Plain and simple. And what’s more, look around you: things are NOT getting better.
Real freedom is in your mind, not in what you do and don’t.
Dear Constantin,
I’m so happy and proud to be a montessorian! The future begins with each child. They are the “father of man!” Let us allow the child to be and become what they are made to be…Workers, Free thinkers, Communicators, Companions, Seekers, Explorers, lovers of nature….THEN the world will follow suit if the child leads!!!
Educational methods and ideas based on the writings and teachings of Maria Montessori are centered around children developing capabilities that allow them to DO. Because the adults who work with the children allow them to develop independence through doing for themselves (dressing, eating, solving social challenges with peers, problem solving, etc.).
As the parent of a child who recently moved from a toddler classroom into a primary classroom in an excellent Montessori school in Honolulu, Hawaii, I have learned from the teacher that we should step back and allow our child to struggle and work and learn from achievements AND failures. This instills in children an understanding of their own interests, talents, and areas that need practice. Most importantly it allows children to gain a REAL sense of self-esteem, because they know themselves and who they are through the work and activities that they DO. When a person has a strong sense of self esteem and knowledge of who they are, they can work to attain anything they desire. They might not always get it, but they are not afraid of working hard, doing, and possibly failing. They are not afraid of having hope and working towards a better future, whether you believe the world is getting worse or not. A person is much more than their job. They are a citizen, a parent, a friend, etc. and even if they do choose to run a forklift for their entire lives, they still can have interests in other things, if nothing else but to have a hope for their own children one day.
A child in a Montessori school is educated as a whole person, not just a scholar, and absolutely not just to attain a Ph.D.; to believe this is ridiculous. Montessori children are DO-ers AND thinkers.
Yes, yes, yes self esteem is built through trying and doing, achieving and failing. Not by being rescued and not by saying “good boy” or “good girl” but rather through acknowledgement.
Montessori is education for DO-ers. I hope you’ll find out more about Montessori!
What a wonderful article on arrival! I have shared it on my blog so my parents can read it as well. Thank you so much.