© MariaMontessori.com
I have always wanted to raise my children in a Montessori manner. I want them to attend a Montessori school and even created a Montessori-inspired home environment. Taking the Assistants to Infancy course was not an option for me before having children, so I did the next best thing by reading books such as Montessori from the Start for guidance. I am far from perfect, but I l think I have done an OK job of weaving the Montessori philosophy into my parenting style.
Since my first son’s birth 3 years ago, I have also gravitated towards Attachment Parenting. Yet, I have started to question: are these two philosophies compatible?
The Montessori Method and Attachment Parenting do share many commonalities. For example, both stress treating children as individuals worthy of respect and try to meet their needs in a loving way so that are secure enough to explore their world as independent beings. Both also aspire to raise children in a natural manner, from a gentle birth to using non-toxic products in the home. Both also encourage breastfeeding and cloth diapering.
However, there are also differences. Attachment Parenting tends to support extended breastfeeding, nursing children well past the first year until both mother and child feel ready to stop. When I read the section in Montessori from the Start about breastfeeding, I was surprised at the suggestion to begin weaning the child off the breast at 6-9 months of age in order to encourage independence. This seemed strange to me, as most global health organizations encourage breastfeeding for at least the full first year. How would mother and child feel about weaning so early on? Is it unnatural?
“Babywearing”, or using slings or wraps to carry the child on the mother’s body, is another issue as it has become a trend among Attachment Parents. The goal is to provide security and contact comfort for the child. Newborns who spend time skin-to-skin with the mother tend to breathe better and control their body temperature more easily. One can find many resources online about the benefits of babywearing, for both mother and child.
© MariaMontessori.com
Yet, some Montessorians react negatively to the subject of babywearing. Slings and wraps constrict baby’s movement, they argue, and should not be used because the baby cannot move his body to develop coordination. A passage in Montessori from the Startconjures up the image of carrying a kitten in a sling to highlight how terrible the idea is.
Not all Montessorians feel this way – I know a handful who breastfed their children past the first year and/or carried them in slings. Online research demonstrates that I am not alone. I breastfed my first son for 15 months and have worn both my babies. Although I enjoy the snuggling aspect of babywearing, I admit the main appeal is utilitarian more than anything. I gave birth to my second son 3 months ago and he does not take kindly to being set down. I give him as much “floor time” as possible, but after 5 to 10 minutes he gets upset and needs to be held (or fed) again. Wearing him in a carrier is a matter of necessity for us, as I can’t simply hold him all day long, especially with a 3-year-old to care for as well. And, more importantly, it does make him happier.
I was resigned to the fact that these two sides of my parenting style would simply have to coexist; I thought I would be a Montessori parent who happens to also wear my baby, and breastfeed him for as long as he (and I) felt was right. I admit that I was tempted to attend the recent Montessori Refresher Course in Long Beach with my newborn strapped to my chest, just to see the reaction!
But not too long ago I came across a very interesting blog post from a parent who discovered a passage in The Absorbent Mind that addressed these very topics. In it, Dr. Montessori references cultures in which mothers nurse their children for several years and carry them on their bodies all day. She noted how these children rarely cry compared to those from Western cultures and how they learn about the world in the most natural way possible, because they are with their mothers all day; the children become a natural part of the mother’s day-to-day life as she does work both inside and outside the home.
Huh. Well, perhaps Dr. Montessori did approve of Attachment Parenting after all!
So what about you fellow Montessori parents? Are you drawn to the Attachment Parenting style? Do you think Montessori philosophy and Attachment Parenting are compatible?
Marcy Hogan holds a Primary diploma from AMI. She lives in Sacramento, CA, along with her husband and two sons. She also writes about parenting and life in general on her blog, Life is Good.
Weaning at 6-9 months? Wow, that is horrible! I love Montessori, but I am disgusted and very saddened to read that.
I find this topic of conversation fascinating. As a Montessori trained elementary teacher currently working as a labor and postpartum doula and childbirth educator, I have a foot in both communities.
In short, I think it’s most useful to consider that the Montessori method is not static. Montessori was making her observations within the scientific framework of her time and place. Research in child development studies has taught us a lot about the growth and development of young children in the first year of life. Particularly in the field of ethnopediatrics, or the anthropology of childhood, developmental psychologists are making all kinds of discoveries about the line between biological need and cultural traditions in parenting.
My understanding, from everything I’ve heard about the Assistants to Infancy training, is that it hasn’t really been updated much to reflect current research in infant development. I’m not suggesting that we throw out the basic Montessori principles at all, but rather, that we be willing to step away from our biases and really delve into the research. If the World Health Organization is advocating breastfeeding for the the first year of life, let’s explore the research they use to support their arguments, and then explore our own research as Montessorians to support or counter that argument. The problem is that as far as I can tell, no one in the Montessori community is actually doing that research.
As a Montessorian, I believe it’s important to maintain that spirit of experimentation, and to also be willing to acknowledge, “You know, current research suggests that some of our methods may be out of sync with the current scientific community is discovering.” And, in my opinion, this extends to what I would consider to be the more rigid traditional Montessori view of slings and breastfeeding.
I think that rather than simply following dogma (“Slings are bad because they limit independence”) we should do some careful observation. How DO infants carried in slings compare in measures of independence? Is there a measurable difference? Can primary guides pick out the children carried in slings as infants? Can the elementary teacher pick out the children who were breastfed til age three? Specifically, how are the effects of attachment parenting limiting children’s independence–and how do we measure independence? If there is a difference, what are its effects in the classroom? If there is no measurable difference, how do we integrate this into our understanding of child development as Montessori practitioners?
And…ultimately, I think that this is an area that deserves a lot of sensitivity. One of the things I’ve gleaned from the study of ethnopediatrics is that ultimately, there is no “right” way to parent. Yes, biologically we all have needs, physical and emotional, and there are myriad cultures around the world that have evolved to meet those needs. In some cultures babies are carried till age three, and in others, they are pushed in strollers, and in others, they receive very little human touch. But ultimately, we are talking about an incredibly personal decision for each family, and as a Montessorian and doula, I hesitate to jump on a bandwagon of absolutes.
On a side note, I highly, highly recommend Meredith Small’s book “Our Babies, Ourselves: How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent”. (http://www.amazon.com/Our-Babies-Ourselves-Biology-Culture/dp/0385483627/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpi_1)
I think it should be required reading for all Montessori practitioners.
I have taken the first summer of AMI A to I training and just had a baby. The process of weaning is started at 5-6 months, but it is not finished until 1 year. The process involves starting the feed the baby solid foods by 6 months, which is also advocated by doctors as far as I know. My baby is 5 months now and I have noticed her becoming very interested in watching us eat. They go through a sensitive period for weaning at 5-6 months. But this does not mean they no longer breast feed, it just means they are getting introduced to solid foods along with breastfeeding. The process of weaning is long and slow. The baby is not fully “weaned” until 10 months – 1 year, depending on his individual needs. Like everything else in Montessori, it is done though observation and the timetable depends on the needs and interest of the individual child.
It was emphasized when we talked about methods of transportation that slings restrict movement and should not be used for extended periods of time. We were not told that they should not be used. In fact AMI/USA’s website has a photo of a mother using a sling with her baby. Slings are a method of transportation just like strollers or car seats, both of which also restrict movement. No “container” should be used for long periods of time because one of the main jobs of a child under 1 is the development of movement. Here is an interesting article on developmental delays in “bucket babies” that spend too much time in containers. http://www.ky3.com/news/contactky3/ky3-lack-of-tummy-time-blamed-for-developmental-delays-02232011,0,3781056.story
I have found Lillard’s work to be woefully lacking in anything, well, Montessori. I’ve heard her elementary work is better, but the book Montessori from the Start is horrible. Dr. Montessori did advocate babywearing and extended breastfeeding, it is in all of her work and talks about infants. So, wear away and nurse away! From: Mother of a 4yo who weaned at 2 and a half and used a mobywrap until about the same time when on long walks, also owns a Montessori school.
I do wear my 10-week-old, but less than I did during the first weeks. He has never been in a stroller or an infant-carrier style car seat. Baby wearing is my preferance to either of these.
Lena’s comments regarding research resonate with me. I’ll add a few questions that I’ve been pondering as I mother my youngest child.
In terms of sensory exploration, what does a child gain in a sling? On the floor? What about oppoortunities to concentrate or coordinated movement? I just read a section in Lillard & Jessen regarding the delicate balance of that mind and hand. Can the child’s hand do enough to inform the mind?
I choose to place my child on the floor more than to wear him. However, he seems to enjoy his down-time. If he did not and he seemed to prefer being worn, I’d do it.
I’m not sure where Dr. Lillard received the information on weaning, but if it is something that Dr. Montessori actually said, it has to be taken with a grain of salt. As Lillard stated in the same book, “it is the mother who understands the baby’s biological processes and needs, and who must finally choose the appropriate moment for each new learning experience, including weaning, to begin.”
Maria Montessori also said children should never eat raw vegetables, but I don’t see anyone talking about that.
I agree with Carla.
After completing my Assistants to Infancy training this past summer, it is important to note that weaning occurs due to both physical and psychological factors. And although it begins around the 6th month, it does not end until after the first year.
On top of being interested in food of the family, physically the child runs out of iron by about the 6th month and this has to be introduced into the diet. Also at this point, the child’s teeth begin to emerge along with the beginning of production of pytalin, the enzyme required to break down food.
We also do discuss Attachment and Separation, and in order for the child to have a healthy separation as a strong individual into the world, he or she must have a strong and healthy attachment in the beginning years of life.
As far as the A to I being outdated, I have to disagree. The content is frequently assessed (depending on the trainers I assume) so much so that the head of the Developmental Cognitive Neuroscience Lab at the University of British Columbia contacted our trainers and has referenced this information as ‘revolutionary’. She has since spoken at numerous Brain Development conferences in support of the Montessori method for children under 3.
I think in general the more knowledge you have the better, and I highly recommend EVERYONE to take the A to I training!!
Montessori respected the unique spirit, needs, and developmental stages of each child. I view her as carrying the principles of attachment parenting into the pedagogical realm, at the least. Remember that she was separated from her own child, and lived in a very different time, with different exigencies. I am the founder and director of a Montessori school, and I was a La Leche League leader before I discovered Montessori. I also wore my own three kids, and breastfed them variously between 2 and 4 1/2 years each. They have always been incredibly independent. From my vantage as a director, I see that children who are raised with clear and consistent expectations and boundaries end up well-adjusted/normalized kids. I have seen parents with all philosophies produce poorly adjusted children. There are some core parenting practices that seem to transcend whether one is an attachment or more conventional parent.
I’m so glad this topic came up for discussion. My wife and I have had these exact same questions and ran up on the exact same limitations of Lillard’s book. I have much respect for her as a Montessorian but feel that she missed the boat on some of these important issues in her book. She made the mistake of oversimplifying the needs of a young child.
An infant DOES need lots of opportunities to move freely but that is not all she needs. A child benefits from physical contact with her mother that carrying provides. A infant benefits from experiencing human interactions and the world as a whole from the safe and comfortable vantage point of a carrier. An infant benefits from observing the work that a mother is doing while being carried, work that the mother would likely be unable to accomplish without having their child safe and secure with them. This is not a bad thing, it is a good thing.
And this last point leads us to another element of the equation. We don’t rasie our children in a vacuum. A parent has a life that needs living, work needs to be done errands need to be run, there is no way around these fact and the needs of the child must be balanced with this reality. To the extent that we are able we try to find the best compromise available. but we can’t give a child total freedom of movement for it’s entire infancy, it’s just not practical. Wearing a child is about as good of a compromise as there is because of all the aforementioned benefits. As Montessorians we are doing a diservice to the families that we are serving and to our cause in general if we do not acknowledge the reality that all families must face in raising their children and getting by in life.
A parent should definitely provide ample opportunity for their infant to move freely but they should also feel good about the time the child is close to them in the carrier, seeing work, hearing conversations, seeing the world and connecting with his parent. It is a neccesary and achievable balance.
I’m so glad you have brought this up!
As a 3-6 Montessori teacher with a 12-month-old, I have wondered about this topic often in the past year. I preferred to wear my son in a sling when transport was necessary, but he spent most of his time on the floor, which he was happy to do. I am still breast-feeding and hope to continue until he is at least 18-months, if he’s happy to give it up then.
What is the general consensus on the floor-bed versus family-bed? My son was happy in his floor-bed until a few months ago when he decided only to sleep in our bed… I’m torn as to whether to keep encouraging his independence by insisting he sleep in his room (I seem to remember a line in Montessori From the Start that suggested saying “You cannot come out, it’s time to sleep”…) or relaxing on the whole issue and keeping him in bed with us where he’s happy (and we can all get some sleep!).
My partner often jokingly asks me, “What would Maria do??”.
Well, I suppose she would say, “Follow the child”!
Interesting topic!
I have to start my comment by saying that I not read Montessori From The Start yet, however from my general understanding the Montessori method was created for children 3 plus and it was actually Maria’s colleagues and protégée that developed the ‘Montessori’ infant programme and guidelines. So this in my mind identifies the notion that any literature that references babies and toddlers is not actually Montessori but rather Montessori inspired if that makes any sense.
The second point I wanted to make was the definition of weaning. I think Paula Polk Lillard used the British definition as here when we talk about weaning it is the act of ending completely exclusive at the breast feeding, for example introducing bottles of expressed milk or other liquids such as water and starting ‘baby food’. It is not the cessation of breastfeeding altogether this would be when you state that your child is weaned. If you research ‘Baby Led Weaning’ you can find more explanations of this. This would put the recommendations firmly in line with the World Health Organisation and in my opinion is even better if you go to the latter of the recommendation and start solid food at or after 9 months of age.
Bed sharing is the most classic example of how you can truly ‘follow (the) your child’, when a child is ready to sleep independently I have found that they will communicate it loud and clear by either telling you or getting up and find somewhere separate to sleep. I think it is the age that this transition occurs is the thing that concerns parents and I believe it all comes done to what ages you like babies and toddlers “should be able to” do a variety of tasks and also what ages do you believe infancy and childhood end?
Lastly the floor bed is interesting as I read that beds high off of the floor are Western invention and many modern and traditional cultures believe that sleeping closer to the ground is the most healthy way to sleep and, as gravity would dictate, safer too.
I reconciled my decision to AP and my love for Montessori Philosophy by first “following the child” and second, by remembering that Maria herself gave her baby up for adoption. She needed to NOT attachment parent. Of course her philosophy was shaped by her own life experience.
If I were to do it over again, I would take to heart what we know about the needs of children/babies. They do not just need have a consistent, loving care-giver. They need a non-stressed caregiver! Care givers who are constant but also very stressed ARE NOT GOOD for the developing minds of babies and children. The attachment parenting community, in my opinion, overlooks this important point.
Looking back, what I would have done differently, specifically:
#1 I would have night-weaned after six months (even whilst co-sleeping)because it was over two years before he slept for more than three hours at a time.
#2 I would have hired some house cleaning support and paid for a massage once a week for the first year (at least).
#3 I would have given my self a solid hour each day to meditate, rest, read, walk, do whatever! from birth on. ONE SOLID HOUR, EACH DAY!
Fifteen years later, I’m happy to say I survived, thrived even, and so did he. We are very connected, and get along well. He is fiercely independent
I wish I would have seen, when he was born, that mothering is not a sprint… it’s a leisurely LONG walk. Enjoy the flowers. 
AMI, Primary 3-6
graduate 1995
As an Attachment Parenting mom who home schools using Montessori methods, I did not like Montessori From The Start and tell my friends and blog readers not to read it. I think she took Maria’s ideas and then drew her own conclusions with them. To begin with, “weaning” in Europe often means adding solids, not skipping breastfeeding. Secondly, Maria recommended honoring children and guiding them gently. I don’t think she would have approved of MFTS’ tough love recommendations.
Why don’t we just follow the child, which is what Montessori is really about? If he wants to be held and “worn”, then that’s what we should do. If he wants to walk, then by all means… If he’s not ready to be weaned, then why should we? If he shows interest in solid foods, then why not introduce him to them???
BOOK ALERT: There’s a MUCH BETTER book on Montessori for the early years: “Understanding the Human Being” by Dr. Silvana Montanaro, who is the Director of Assistants to Infancy training in the U.S. and other countries, as well as a direct disciple of Montessori. (This is THE textbook for the 0-3 course, from what I understand).
Very interesting responses from everyone! I love hearing all the input and different perspectives. I had hoped this post would spark a good discussion. =)
On the matter of weaning, re-reading the passage in the book it is clear that Lilliard is speaking about weaning baby off the breast, not simply introducing solid foods in addition to breastmilk:
“Weaning involves a process of at least four weeks to several months and begins with dropping one feeding at a time with intervals of several days to weeks in between. By the time of weaning at approximately six to nine months, the baby is often on a schedule of five meals a day…” (pp 136-137)
She continues the paragraph by acknowledging the loss a mother can feel at ceasing breastfeeding entirely, offering the new independence for both mother and child as a consolation. It is on the next page that she then mentions weaning as also a process of introducing solid foods to baby’s diet. If weaning is to begin at 6 weeks and take only, say, a couple of months to complete, I have to also wonder what we are to feed the baby instead– pumped breastmilk? Formula? Babies still need one or the other as their primary source of nutrition for the entire first year of life. Also, the WHO recommends breastfeeding through 2 years of age if/when possible.
@Nancy– I love your ideas! May have to keep those in mind… a weekly massage would be heavenly! ; ) I agree with you about the stressed-out parent not being good for baby, either. I do agree that in some AP circles (as well as almost any other parenting style group) there can be an element of competition, to make sure you’re doing AP “well enough” checking off all the boxes, etc. I haven’t read the Dr Sears book, which many refer to as the AP Bible of sorts, but I have heard that they make a point to stress how important it is for each family to do what works best for them rather than follow a set of pre-determined guidelines. For us, we do some AP-style things, but others (like bedsharing) just don’t work as well for us so we don’t bother with it.
@Pilar– Yes! Follow the child! =) I have Montanaro’s book as well, have been trying to make my way through it… not terribly easy reading but worth it, I suppose, right?
Just a note about book authors mentioned in these comments: Dr. Angeline Lillard is the researcher and author of Montessori: The Science Behind the Genius but she is NOT the author of Montessori From the Start. That author is a different Lillard (perhaps her mother) who is writing from her experience and Montessori training.
Marcy: Dr. Montanaro’s book is TOTALLY worth it.
My granddaughter is 9.5 mos. old, sits up well, and spends most of her waking hours on the floor (except when being fed, cuddled, or just held for the fun of pulling on my earrings or necklace or face…) She sleeps on her stomach by choice and could make a Marine blush with her push ups and swaying from the tummy position. She is an observer of life in a big way. She has an incredible grip and spends quite a bit of time holding things in different ways: with the entire fist, thumb and index finger, up in the air over her head…one can see her absorbing information constantly.
But, she does not crawl yet. Am I worried. No. She will do so when her personal DNA says to do so. She will figure it out when she needs something from across the room. Meanwhile, she gets there through nefarious means…rolling, scooting, etc. But just not by crawling.
Because she has had so much floor time, we know that it is not from lack of tummy time or too much “bucket” time that she is not crawling. So, we have figured that her personal “inner clock” is totally in charge.
Meanwhile, we are enjoying our unobtrusive study of her facial expressions, the changes in babbling noises, the repetitive actions. It is such a short time that these wee ones are little…and then they are off and out the door. Enjoy the simple moments while you are able.
After reading this post a few weeks ago, I’ve really wanted to respond to this since I am so thankful this was a topic on this blog.
I too have had my concerns regarding this issue as I felt a tug between what I was trained and what I felt was instinctual. Unfortunately, I didn’t read Dr. Montanaro’s book until my first child was about 6 weeks. The part that really struck me was her description of the “external pregnancy”. I happened to be reading this while my baby lay on my chest in fetal position. That description couldn’t be more accurate to what was going on in my life. However, the further I read, I also noted that the baby was to be placed on the floor and a few other things that I was not practicing.
I took a moment to consider this, but didn’t feel right about it. I had not read up on attachment parenting, but was only doing what felt instinctual. We had a co-sleeper in which she slept, but mostly she was in our bed. After about 8 months we put her on a mattress on the floor but in the room with us since I was still breastfeeding her. I felt that all these things were necessary, but also something I could not compromise. We lived in a small 2 bedroom condo, and I could not see placing her in the other room where it seemed unsafe to me.
I did like to wear her in a sling or Moby, but only when necessary, and always had her on the floor when we were at home. When she started walking I abandoned the wraps as I knew it would hinder her desire and impede her ability. Keeping all this in mind, I felt that I could be true to Montessori and yet be true to what is called AP. Many disagreed with both styles and others disagreed with one or the other. My husband and I stuck to it and see the results of a very secure and independent (maybe too much) 2 year old.
Now with our second and new born, I am even more sure that I will do it all the same. I was lucky enough to have her at home with a midwife and she has been in our bed for the last 3 months. I have been slowly reading through “Montessori from the Start” and agree with most everything there. It has been fun to make the mobiles and to watch her as her development progresses.
This is such a huge topic for me since it strikes so close to home, and I have much to say about it, but will stop.
From my training, Dr. Motessori’s books and the other books, my understanding of the M. method, it is to observe the child and to follow him/her. To me, placing a brand new baby, who has been swaddled and nurtured in the womb where he is used to the mother’s heartbeat, in a a basket away from the mother seems almost cruel. How does this foster a sense of security?
I even discussed this with someone else who pointed out that most mammalian behavior is to keep their young close until they are able to be independent. This is especially true while mothers are breastfeeding and the baby is not sleeping through the night.
As I said, I have much to say, but I will end here. Thank you very much for addressing this issue that I struggle with.
Cham
AMI Primary
I cite Christie Stanford :”
On top of being interested in food of the family, physically the child runs out of iron by about the 6th month and this has to be introduced into the diet. Also at this point, the child’s teeth begin to emerge along with the beginning of production of pytalin, the enzyme required to break down food.”
This is not true! We have studies in Germany that do not support this iron thing! It is not necessary to introduce solids for breastfeed babies.
Iron levels in breastmilk tend to get higher after 6 months.
I’m also a trained Montessorian and Attachment Parent. I feel that they are both child-led, a miraculously integrated philosophy.
Moms; Weaning is defined as starting the first time a child ingests something other than mothers milk. Not dropping your child down at a table as an infant and asking for independence and lack of nursing. Montessori and AP call for child-led weaning.
My 3 children, including twins, were all nursed well past a year. They also had a weaning table (a gift on their 1st bday), which is a low table for toddlers to learn drinking from a cup and trying new foods. We never owned a high chair, as a weaning table serves that purpose. We still use the table for snacks and drinks whenever they are hungry.
Montessori from the Start is a great book, a must have. An infant training you learn a lot about the term weaning.
Sonja L.: I would be very interested to see these studies from Germany that disagree with what I learned in my training. Pls post.
While babies certainly need plenty of opportunity to explore I expect that being in a sling as mom moves around provided early stimulation to the vestibular/balance system, particular for young babies. A brief check on vestibular stimulation found one study on infant rats indicating that swaddling and “rotating” increased both weaning weight and tendency to explore in later weeks. Swaddling alone wasn’t effective. ( E. Thomas, A. Korner, 1971) I know our children are not rats, but they are both mammals. So, so long as mom is carrying her child around in a sling, (not just sitting still 24/7) and providing the child with the opportunity to explore when she is able, the child should benefit more than if just left to explore.
Anecdotally, on the nursing topic, both of my own children nursed until at least 3, and the one who nursed longer is actually the more independent…though I don’t attribute that difference to the nursing but to my increased awareness of the need for ‘flow” in young children, thanks to my Montessori school’s parent education.
F.Y.I. Paula Polk Lillard wrote “Montesssori from the Start”, an excellent resource for all parents. She also has daughters who trained in Montessori, and is the mother of Dr. Angeline Lillard, professor of psychology at UVA and author of “Montessori: Science Behind the Genius”. At least one granddaughter is also a Montessorian. So, I think Mrs. Lillard has done and is doing her part to further the Method. Agree to disagree all you want, but one should never criticize without having the full picture. On another note, none of us were there, walking in Maria Montessori’s shoes. No one knows the trials and tribulations and heartaches she experienced in her early years. I just thank God for her. She remains a hero in my eyes.
I think the Montessori method tries to accommodate a typical woman’s needs a little more than attachment parenting does and there is a balance to be had there. Ultimately a happy mother is the biggest gift any child can have.
Having said that, I’ve done attachment parenting all the way and still cosleep and breast feed now mine is two. He still rides in a backpack often though I alternate it with pushchairs, shopping trolley seats and walking by himself for variety and to help develop his independence (and save my back!) but AP does not suit all women!
Seems from what I’ve read here that moms are using breastfeeding as a first essential component in attachment parenting. Weaning doesn’t have to mean off breast milk but rather the start of a child holding his own bottle. Developmentally this would start the foundation of prep for holding the cup at age 1. I’m a big supporter of breast feeding and helping to raise over 8 children in my 20 years experience as a professional nanny, 12 of which using the Montessori Method with 3 children, the entire development of the child is considered with each stage. Keeping one element out is fine, no harm is done but be cognizant that it was all assembled as a progression.
One problem might be using the term “wearing” your baby (as if your child is a fashion accessory). I know that NO ONE HERE *thinks* that way, but sometimes the arguments against a given practice are actually against the underlying beliefs that seem to express themselves in a certain behavior.
Both literatures add to the conversation in as much as they balance and clarify the other. Believing there is a directive to attach too closely to your child (in order to be a “good” parent) could become inhibiting to the child –if not moderated by a clear understanding of your child’s need to become independent.
What Montessori argued for consistently was the uniqueness and dignity of the human spirit, even in infancy. Rather than committing ourselves to an ideology, she asked us to live in the moment with our children. She invited us to consider that they might be telling us something other than our preconceived notions about them (and ourselves both as parents and as people, right and wrong, human nature, and the Life itself). Our children open our eyes and our hearts to the possible.
If you are reaching into the recesses of your intellect, your past, your assumptions, your emotions, and your own abilities –and honestly challenging yourself to live consistently with integrity and in harmony with what you understand to be reality –then all is well. This is the symbotic relationship of parenting that allows US to grow in maturity as we claim to “raise” them.
So far I don´t know enough about montessori, but from my own experience with two kids I can say that carrying the babies gave them security, calmed them down when necessary and the movement during the walking helped them to relax also the muscles. In the beginning I carried them almost the whole day because I had the impression that they required it, slowly they got more time on the floor, starting to grab things, turning themselves around etc. I have no idea what maria montessori said about the motoric development, more or less I followed the pediatrician Pikler, a method that was recommended to me from a Feldenkrais-Trainer, leaving the kids to explore their movements without any help. Today they move themselves better than many others, and my impression is that the carrying helped in some way.
At about 6 months, when the children were interested in our food, I started giving them vegetables, meat etc. and continued breastfeeding until they ate enough during the meals ( ca. 18 months with arriving of the molars) I tried to follow the kid´s needs and would do it again in the same way.
As a Montessori Teacher and now new mother, I have been trying to make attachment parenting and Montessori work together. I find that they are very cohesive. What I’m also finding is that I disagree with much of the book Montessori From The Start. The problem, I’m finding, is that most of what Dr. Montessori wrote applies to toddlers and beyond. In her philosophy, she never gave exacts or told people what to do. Rather, she asked that we observe and understand our children. Instead of fighting to control them, we should encourage their own innate and individual development of themselves. I think she very much would have supported many facets of attachment parenting in the ways that it supports the emotional development of the child and the bond of love between parent and child. It’s that bond that allows parents the ability to understand and guide their children. It’s also important to remember that Dr Montessori was a doctor who lived over a century ago. It’s difficult to say what she would recommend for breastfeeding, for example, when she didn’t have today’s research. As a doctor, I believe she would support the WHO recommendation, or at least the APA recommendation. I think she would have also looked at the research on babywearing and bed sharing from it’s medical standpoint as well. The problem with Montessori can be that it’s often misinterpreted, so if you really want to be a Montessorian, you have to go directly to what SHE wrote. And not what people say that she would say. When I read her words, I find that I can very much be a Montessori and AP parent.
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Your post brings up an interesting point which is that people tend to take some of the great education philosophies and extrapolate them onto parenting an infant. (This is very trendy these days, just take a look at all the books and programs out there) Montessori was an innovator in early childhood education and we should not be so quick to assume that since the core of her philosophy was to foster life skills and self reliance in young children, that we should find ways to continuously lower the age when we apply these. Newborns and infants cannot and should not be self-reliant. There is a place and a time for that. independence naturally emerges in the toddler years and that is when we should foster it. Don’t bother with all this montessori from birth nonsense. That was never her goal and shouldn’t be ours as parents. Attachment parenting and montessori style education can happily coexist as long as they each are implemented at the appropriate stage of your child’s life. This is what I am doing with my little ones and it can work for others. Thank you for writing about something alot of us have worried about! It’s tricky navigating the world of parenting today.
I HIGHLY recommend picking up a copy of Maria Montessori’s new book just published “The 1946 London Lectures” as it talks extensively about her ideas for birth to three. There is a lot of clarity in her words and of course, always best to go straight to the source!